Why is it that people from our past have such power to
continually dictate our future? Due to my past relationships I have become so
completely guarded – and often emotionally shut down - when it comes to
allowing another man to enter my life. My expectations are low. My assumption
is that any man actually wants nothing to do with me or will only hurt me in
the long run. Thus, to combat the inevitable, I do not allow myself to hope or
pursue someone who could potentially be good for me. I don’t step forward. I
try not to show my own interest. If he’s interested, he’ll make a move.
My theories and practices probably are not combating the
problem, but are more likely exacerbating the problem. By not having faith in a
man enough to let him have the opportunity to get close to me I am shutting
myself off from new people and potentially wonderful experiences. But how do I
get the faith back? How can I believe there is a man out there who I love and
who loves me so completely that I should risk getting hurt over and over again?
Let’s face it, I have no answers here, only questions. I’m a work in progress.
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