Lost Hoping to be Found

Over the past two weeks I have thrown myself into work, partially by necessity and partially by choice. The early mornings and late nights come with the territory this time of the year, but I find myself hanging around even after I could have easily excused myself for the evening to be with people who I enjoy but aren't my friends. I don't want to go home because I don't want to be alone. I want to relax with someone and share my day. I want someone there, but not just anyone. I want someone to share my life with - my long days, my successes, my failures, my challenges, and my hopes - in return supporting them through their long days, delighting in their successes, being there for their failures and challenges, while encouraging their hopes and dreams.

So what? The truth is, I'm not sure.

I've been promised by not one person who claims to have psychic visions, but three - all of whom were not solicited for their opinions - that I will find the man of my dreams in New York. One even said, the "perfect man for me." Up to this point, that has yet to be seen.

I do my best. I am picky about them men whom I date, but once I'm dating them I try to see their best side, give them the benefit of the doubt and support them. What has happened to me up to this point? I've been completely burned. My ex, who I met in New York and dated for a while, was fantastic. He was loving and attentive, he also made his thoughts and feelings for me known - I never had to guess where I stood or how he felt, though it ends up I should have guessed because one day he took a trip and when he returned he claimed he had a complete change of heart and that, upon further examination, I didn't mean anything to him. No exaggeration, those were his words - "You don't mean anything to me."

Where do I go from here? Where do I go and what do I do? How do I make sure that someday I'm not completely alone, but that I have a life long companion in friendship, love and passion? How do I find that person and how will I know that the relationship won't end in heartbreak the same way my last one did? I know none of us can ever "know" for sure, but I need to find someone who loves me and be able to feel sure and safe again.